Image by Azmi Talib from Pixabay

A number of months ago, I mentioned that I had embarked on rewriting one of my early books, Hidden Desires. In a massive case of misplaced hubris, I foolishly claimed I could have it ready before Christmas. In case any of you haven’t noticed, I missed. By a lot. It is now mid-March, and I am less than half of the way through. The further I have gotten into this manuscript, the more changes I’ve made to the plot. It’s turned into quite a bit more than a simple improvement to the atrocious dialogue and filling in some plot holes.

What I’m doing is constructing an almost entirely new story around the original outline. I like where things are going and am reasonably positive it will be well received, but progress is slow. Not only am I rebuilding Darcy and Elizabeth’s relationship within the story, but I’m doing the same with Mary’s character and her love affair.

For those who haven’t read the book, I’m not revealing many of the details, but I thought I’d use this blog to give you a taste of Mary’s transformation from a pious and virtue signaling young woman to a girl who is watching Lydia and maybe using her example in her own, unique manner.

Here is the first portion of a chapter. Although Mary is changing, it is not without internal turmoil and doubt about the wisdom of her choices. This excerpt is unedited, so the final version could change a bit.

 

Image by Çiğdem Onur from Pixabay

“Hurry, or we’ll leave you behind,” said Lydia, waving at Mary to walk faster. “You offered to come with us, but now you are so slow that it might be dark before we get to Meryton. Is there a problem? Do you want to go back home?”

Mary raised her eyes from the lane and settled them on her sister’s impatience countenance. “I am enjoying myself,” she declared, waving her hands at the flowers along both sides of the road. “Is it a sin to appreciate what the Lord has given us? Unlike you, I am grateful for this beautiful world that we live in.”

Lydia heaved a great sigh and shook her head. “If you weren’t in any great hurry to get to Meryton, why did you have us leave so early? We rushed out of the house so fast I didn’t have time for a second scone, but now you are dawdling along as though you have all the time in the world.”

Mary smiled but chose not to respond. How could she, without answering the question? Instead, she returned her attention to the blossoms she was passing, leaving Lydia with the choice, either complain to Kitty or continue in silence.

Her sister stood there scowling until Mary reached her, whereupon the younger siblings set off again, their heads together as they whispered. She was clearly the subject of their discussion, as every few minutes Lydia glanced at her, then leaned closer to Kitty and said something which caused her sister to giggle and nod her head.

Mary tried to concentrate on their progress, but the morning’s deception tugged at her conscience. Her remark this morning at breakfast that today was the last one Mr. Bennet would spend at Netherfield had, as she hoped, caught their attention.

A subtle reminder of their father’s refusal to allow Lydia unfettered freedom to visit and mingle with the regiment encouraged her to take advantage of his absence.

As she expected, Lydia thought of an excuse for going into town and Kitty supported her fictitious reason. When she claimed to have important errands that could not wait, Mary sighed and offered her company to protect them from Mr. Bennet’s anger, which Lydia was eager to accept.

Mary adjusted her bonnet, which she put on before breakfast to prevent either of her younger sisters from seeing the change to her appearance. Once they caught sight of the work Elizabeth had done, she feared the taunts and cruel jokes would begin. Although she told herself their merciless remarks meant nothing, they did hurt.

Elizabeth had made a significant improvement, but doubts over the wisdom of the choice kept her awake most of the previous night.

Experience taught her she could not rely on Lydia or Kitty for an honest opinion, so she avoided them both. The real test would come today when she accompanied her sisters to Meryton. With luck, Mr. Wickham might notice her. If so, she would find a way to expose her tresses to the man and study his reaction.

Am I doing the right thing, or would Reverend Fordyce demand I repent of my pride and confess the untruths I told about Papa. He is not spending the day at Netherfield; from what he told Lizzy, Mr. Darcy is calling today. I might not have lied about his preference that should I go with them, but Elizabeth did say he was not happy to learn we are there most days.

Thank heaven they haven’t realized I am the reason for these frequent visits. Even though I know it is a sin, I cannot drive that man’s face out of my thoughts.

I should have accepted Lizzy’s offer of a new dress, but why bother if he laughs at the changes to my face and hair? Altering my entire appearance is foolish if all it does is give people a new reason to laugh at me. Change one part at a time and see what happens. If I escape some of the jeers and unfriendly taunts, I can ask Elizabeth to help me choose better clothing.

Rather than walk as fast as temptation urged, Mary stayed with Lydia, who looked at her once but said nothing. She and Kitty continued their private conversation, interrupted with occasional giggles and smirks thrown at her.

Mary paid them no mind, content to imagine Mr. Wickham’s reaction when they met in town. Their meeting must appear accidental; if the man knew or even suspected that he was the reason for her frequent journeys to Meryton, he might take advantage of her interest.

She wanted to ask Lydia’s advice in the matter but dared not, for several reasons. First, her sister was known as a flirt, a reputation Mary feared earning if she did anything her youngest sibling suggested.

Second, she was also headstrong, a blight on any young woman’s character. Of the eligible men in Meryton and the surrounding area, who would court anyone with that demeanor? She had as much chance of attracting a man’s interest there as she had in town, if that was how people considered her.

The third, and perhaps most damning, was her sister’s unhealthy and immoral habit of chasing after each man that caught her eye. She did not seem to care if they were young or old, wealthy or in the depths of poverty, so long as they were, in her words, ‘pretty to look at’.

Of all the men Lydia had pursued in Meryton, he was the only person who possessed any common sense, in her opinion. Other than a polite greeting upon seeing them, he paid no attention to either of her sisters. His interest, at least while they were talking, went to her.

The regard he showed was puzzling. What was there about her that drew his concentration to her, rather than her companions? In all her eighteen years, Mary had never known such flattering attention.

Would they continue, or was he going to break her heart by joining Lydia and Kitty in their constant sport of taunting her? Although she expected her good fortune to change, Mary could not stay at Longbourn. If the gentle nature and polite manners he displayed were false, she preferred to find out in person, rather than through rumors that Lydia or Kitty repeated.

 

I confess that the lack of progress is frustrating, but I have only myself to blame. Health and other issues keep me from the keyboard far too often, but I have taken few steps to resolve my problems, so I am forced to accept the consequences. If I gave it a more honest effort, I could have the novel ready by June, but I make no promises.

Let me know what you think  of this excerpt. Are you curious about the differences Mary is showing and the possible outcomes? The climax involves her and her paramour, along with Elizabeth and Darcy. If you’re not familiar with the first version of the novel, I can promise that the ending comes as a surprise.