Feature Photo by JJ Jordan on Unsplash

A little over two months ago, I announced that my next work would be a new version of “Hidden Desires”, a novel I published early in my writing career.  I made the announcement under the mistaken belief that I could tweak and adjust in short order, intending to reissue the improved version in  the first week of the new year (in my younger, formative years, I was judged immature and naive, traits that still seem to curse me).

The first chapter was a struggle, but I got it finished in short order. That is where the fun began. The further I got into the story, the more I came to realize fixing my shoddy dialogue would not give me the novel I envisioned when I first conceived the story.

My first, belated, discovery was the plethora of plot holes, some big enough to swallow a man and his horse together. Other than ODC, my story revolved around who I refer to as a secondary hero, Mary Bennet. While the climax to the saga was serviceable, I failed to explain, or justify, Mary’s actions leading up to the decision which set off the chain of events leading to the novel’s conclusion.

Another issue, which critics pointed out in great detail, was the lack of attention I paid to Elizabeth and Darcy. While there were some interactions, I let what passed for their romance fall by the wayside until almost the end of the book.

In order to rectify those, and many other, issues, I am doing a complete rewrite of the entire novel, from front to back. This book is going to be longer but, I believe, significantly more engaging than the original. To that end, I am presenting another excerpt, but this one explores Mary’s struggles with unwelcome and confusing feelings stirring within her as a result of a chance meeting with a man in Meryton. I have done no editing, so expect some errors or omissions:

Mary stretched and yawned, the memory of another delicious dream fresh in her memory. For the fourth, or was it the fifth, night in a row, her mind replayed the sight of that militiaman staring at her, his shameful desire clear in the way he licked his lips.
He must have known that I saw him, but why bother with such a carnal display? Has the man no morals? Or is this another of the devil’s pathetic attacks on mine? When is he going to realize I am not about to surrender to the immoral lusts and degrading practices Lydia and Kitty celebrate? He cannot tempt me!
But oh, what an appealing mouth on the man. If I could just taste those lips once, it would satisfy all my desires.
What am I thinking? Am I to struggle with the same lusts that control my sisters? I think it is time to study some of Minister Fordyce’s sermons again before these thoughts drive righteous desires from my soul. How can I face my Lord with a filthy, tainted heart?
Lord, help me regain the purity and innocence that deserted me at the sight of that beautiful man!
Mary turned on her side and pulled the pillow over her face, pressing the cushion against her nose as if to stop the air from making its way into her lungs.
She wrestled with the conflicting thoughts that reappeared each morning. The images from her dreams clashed with her beliefs of virtue and left her confused and unsure. Her efforts to banish the impure thoughts and desires failed, as the man’s tantalizing image refused to fade.
In desperation, she reached for the worn book of sermons waiting on the nightstand. She opened it and read, devouring the words that so often guided her in the past. Peace came to her as she turned the pages, absorbing familiar essays that explored the inner battles she faced and talked of the importance of faith and prayer in finding redemption.
After thirty minutes of devoted study she closed the book, strengthened by the comfort and solace she gained from the sermons. With a renewed determination she rose from the bed and, donning a robe to conceal her bedclothes, swept the window curtain aside to celebrate the new day.
Scattered clouds hid and then revealed the sun, as though playing a game of hide and seek with the world. Her gaze wandered from one side of the property to the other, admiring the beauty of the flowers growing in the garden and among the trees forming the border with their neighbor.
Mary inhaled, filling her lungs with the intoxicating aromas of the garden’s blossoms. Turning from the window, she threw her clothes on, anxious to walk the garden path before settling herself at the pianoforte to practice.
Movement in the corner of her eye took her back to the window to watch the Longbourn carriage pull away from the house. At the entrance to the road, the driver directed the horses away from town, the pace unhurried.
Curiosity for its occupation and passengers rose but subsided almost at once. It must be her father on his way the Netherfield again. According to her mother, the man was spending more time at Mr. Bingley’s estate than here.
Mary dismissed the thought with a shrug. His presence or absence made no difference to her plans. Other than an hour or two in the music room, she intended to spend the day pouring over her book of sermons. She had to drive those sinful thoughts from her mind and the solution lay in Minister Fordyce’s teachings.

* * *

I hope this gives you some idea of the direction this story is going to take. As to publication, I refuse to speculate. If I get my butt in gear I might have it ready to release in March, but my ability to write every day is gone, so I cannot even guess.

If you are wondering about the woman I used at the beginning of this blog, I found her while searching for Regency women. Although she is clearly not from that era, there is a self-righteous and almost haughty demeanor about her that comes close to my internal image of Mary. Right now she is not part of my plans for the cover, but stranger things have happened.