Today is Funny Friday, and the purpose of my post is to give you something you will hopefully be able to laugh at. I thought, with that in mind, that I would give you an excerpt from Miss Elizabeth’s Unforgettable Assembly, the first novella in my Elizabeth Said, Darcy Said series. I began writing in May of 2022 and published this story in June.

The excerpt, indeed the entire story, begins at the assembly in Meryton, where Darcy resists Bingley’s attempts to convince him to ask Elizabeth to share a dance set with him, insulting her in the process. Through the twists and turns of the plot they finally participate in a dance together and the resulting conversation becomes a discussion about the problems associated with gossip, but in a manner that goes from humorous to ludicrous and back.

Without further delay, here it is for your enjoyment:

Here she stopped speaking and waited until he raised his eyes to regard her directly. “If we are not careful, descriptions of our minor altercation will go from a simple disagreement to a battle over your tendency to beat yours and your neighbors’ dogs every day and throw barn cats into the property’s marshes so you can watch them swim back to shore.”
Mr. Darcy’s progress in the dance paused for an instant, and his eyes opened wide. Just as fast as he had stopped, he moved again, and Elizabeth’s heart, which had given a brief flutter, settled back in her chest.
Was my joke in poor taste? I thought it was an absurd thing to say, and he would see I was making fun of life in Meryton. Is the problem the fact we are strangers, or is he one of those gentlemen who has not learned to laugh at himself?
He shook his head and dropped his eyes, as if bothered by what she said. Through the next series of steps, he said nothing, causing her to fear his eventual reply, should he choose to respond at all. She wished the dance could end soon, but as they were not yet at the midpoint, there was nothing to do but continue.
His expression when they moved together again had worsened. The man looked upset, as though her previous statement caused him immense grief and worry.
Should I apologize? Will it make a difference if I ask forgiveness, or will I anger him again? And what can I say that he will not find fault with?
“Is something wrong?” she said at last, concluding that hearing him express his disappointment was better than seeing him in this state. Lines of worry creased the skin around his eyes, and it drew his mouth down in the most sorrowful frown she had ever seen on any man. She wished to help but feared anything she might say would make matters worse.
“I assumed that nobody had seen me,” he said, leaning forward to whisper, “but I guess I was not as careful as I thought. This is how it was in Derbyshire. Please forgive me, but they deserved it, the nasty creatures.”
“Who deserved what?” Elizabeth asked, trying in vain to make sense of what he said. “What are these nasty creatures, and why did they deserve anything?”
“The barn cats, of course,” he said. “Who did you think I was talking about? And who saw me throwing them? Was it one of the other cats? I remember one of them promising revenge. Of course, he was climbing out of the marsh when he said it. It can’t have been the dogs; they were having too much fun watching to complain about a wet cat or two.”
If not for the glimmer that came into his eyes, Elizabeth would have given serious consideration to running from him to rejoin her sister and Charlotte on the outskirts of the hall. But it was the manner of his reply that told her she jested with a man who could match her in humor.
“I am sorry, but it was the dogs who spread the rumor,” she said, trying not to laugh at the foolishness of this discussion. “Our gamekeeper’s dog, Toby, was talking about it with the sheep this morning and I knew it would be all over the neighborhood by supper.”
Mr. Darcy gave a great sigh and shrugged his shoulders. “He promised if I let them watch he would tell no one what I was doing.”
“If only you had known. Had you asked anyone in the neighborhood, they would have told you not to trust the Longbourn dogs,” Elizabeth said, surprised at Mr. Darcy’s willingness to continue but having too much fun to stop. “They are close friends with the sheep they look after and are usually the first to break a confidence. That is why I am careful not to say anything when I am near them. They love to gossip, and really don’t care who they hurt.”
“I am no stranger to the damage gossip can cause, although dogs are not the usual culprits,” he said with a laugh which faded as he gazed across the hall, although he did not appear to be looking at any one person.

And there you have it. Who could have known that dogs, our loyal companions and protective friends, would be so callous and unfeeling as to willfully spread malicious gossip?

For those of you concerned about my description of mistreating poor, innocent cats and denigrating dogs, I am an animal lover and would never condone this type of abuse. This passage evolved as I wrote the chapter and, once I read it through, I didn’t want to change a thing. So far, I have received many complimentary reviews praising my off the wall sense of humor and none taking me to task for what I wrote.

I hope you enjoyed the excerpt. To confess, I display this brand of humor in almost every story I write, so if you are tempted to purchase this story, or any of the following tales, be warned.